Wild Night

10:00PM: As Christmas music pervades my home, I am decorating my [ultra fresh] Douglas fir that is nestled in the corner of my living room by candlelight & am painfully aware that I am missing one key element: Vino. How perfect a glass of divine grape juice to savor would be…. ::texting LJ:: “I need wine.” After 35 minutes of conversation and a closed liquor store, we decide that we are “going out”. LJ has a place in mind.

11:35PM: Entering “Armpit of our City Bar”. The parking lot itself was a billboard of the patrons within. We knew we were in for people watching at its finest. We were NOT disappointed. It’s a relief I forgot my camera because, there is NO WAY I could have restrained from snapping photos of the FREAK SHOW. I’m confident I would have gotten my ass kicked, several times over. Where did these people originate? Why on earth did LJ bring us here? The music was the saving grace in every sense of the word. While attempting to pay our tab, we meet Zack the Whack. He’s all about LJ and wants to hang out. [Like a complete idiot] I give ZtW my cell number to call us to meet up later (I’ll place blame on Miss Artois)…we exit the Hole and proceed to our next destination.

1:15AM: We pull up to the digs of a couple of young, single guy pals of ours. (Young as in 21. Puppies.) They are having a good ole time in their dumpy shoebox. My god, people I know actually live in a place like this? Oy! Anyhoo…my phone starts ringing. Lo & behold, it’s ZtW. I inform him that we have decided to hang out with some other peeps instead. He was not happy and continued to keep calling. I didn’t answer. After roughly 8 more calls from 3 different phone numbers (uhh…psycho), one of our guy friends decides to speak with him. All involved are buzzing happily and words were exchanged and the calls kept coming…(I’d love to divulge what was said, however, I have not the foggiest!…but it sure pissed ZtW off.) Looking for our next stop, I call Dare to see what his night entailed. “Come to Jack’s, we’ll go out in the boat!” Now…I LOVE going out on the boat and am ALWAYS game for that! Depart shoebox.

2:45AM: Arrive at Jack’s. Have a beer and then LJ, Dare & I are off on the water. Music pumping, we skim down the Intracoastal to another friend’s residence to wake her up. Simultaneously, my phone is STILL being bombarded from 3 different numbers…ZtW! One of which, he leaves a nasty message:

“Hey <my name>, hi. Let me tell you something. Tell your boyfriend from NY he f*cking, he can suck d*ck till his neck busts. My name is Zack Rose. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. If he’s tough enough, he can quick <inaudible> and after I beat his ass, I’m a slap you upside your muther-effin’ head, whore.”

Oh yeah. Righteous! This guy is sooo cool. I’m laughing. Not at all shocked, considering where we met him.

4:00AM: Dare is furious and calls this Douche up…who comically DOESN’T answer his phone. He leaves a message requesting a call back. My next call is to one of my Johnny Law peeps. I fill him in on the scenario and he’ll take care of this Tool [later] this morning.

4:30AM: I cross the threshold of my home and fall into bed. Game Over.

UPDATE: No return call to Dare. Johnny Law tried on two occasions to contact ZtW. Apparently, when the Sheriff’s Office comes up on Caller ID, ZtW doesn’t want to answer his phone. HA. HA. HA. What’s the matter, tough guy???

Another night out with LJ for the books ~ Never a dull moment….


Red Wine & Whisky

It’s my weekend with the munkees and I had conceded to a quiet friday night of reading blogs & cleaning house (oooooh…the recipe for Ultimate Excitement). HA. Well, so much for what I thought…come 11:25pm

(several texts combined & tweaked for interest’s sake)

LJ: “whatcha doin chica?”

Me: “trying to clean.”

LJ: “yeah sure, what? the computer screen? haha”

Me: “No Bioootch, my kitchen. Come over? Wine?”

LJ: “I’ll get some. red or white?”

Me: “whatever”

LJ: “K. see you soon”

Roughly 40 minutes later, LJ graces my kitchen toting a brown paper bag concealing the bottle of Clos Du Bois Merlot the bartender at our frequent watering hole has generously gifted to her/us. Continue reading